Emotional storms. 

They’re the weather we unknowingly sign up for as new parents. 

And when they hit, we desperately try to calm our children’s fears while battling our own rising tide of anxiety. It can be one of the most overwhelming emotions to witness and to understand.

It’s a dance we’re all too familiar with, isn’t it?

But what if I told you that anxiety isn’t the enemy we’ve made it out to be?

What if, instead, it’s a sign of a beautiful, strong brain doing exactly what it’s meant to do?

It’s natural to want to “fix” the situation, but anxiety isn’t something to be fixed—it’s something to be understood, managed, and worked through. 

Anxiety is not just a fleeting feeling; it’s a signal from our brain telling us we might be in danger, even if the threat isn’t real.

This perspective-shifting idea is just one of the many gems I uncovered in my recent conversation with Karen Young for the Raised Good Online Summit. Karen is a psychologist and founder of Hey Sigmund and someone I have looked up to since my parenting journey began over a decade ago.

Her expert insights into the many ways anxiety manifests in children and how we, as parents, can support them through it is nothing short of revolutionary. Karen’s practical advice gives parents the tools they need to help their children manage anxiety, while building their resilience in the process. Let’s dive into this topic a little deeper!

What is anxiety, really?

We often hear the term anxiety, but what does it actually mean for our children? Is there a difference between feeling anxious and having anxiety? 

Anxiety is rooted in the brain’s survival system, specifically the amygdala—the part of the brain responsible for detecting threats.

When the brain perceives danger, even if it’s not real, the amygdala triggers the body’s fight, flight, or freeze response, releasing stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline.

Anxiety itself isn’t the enemy. 

“Anxiety comes from a beautiful, strong brain,” says Karen, “It’s doing exactly what it’s supposed to do—keeping us safe.”

This simple statement was a lightbulb moment for me. 

How often have we, as parents, tried to banish anxiety from our children’s lives? We’ve viewed it as a problem to be solved rather than a natural part of the human experience.

Here’s the truth: it’s not the anxiety itself that’s the problem. It’s how we respond to it.

As Karen puts it, “When anxiety shows up, we don’t have to get rid of it; we need to move with it. Bravery isn’t about the absence of fear; it’s about doing hard things while feeling scared.”

However, anxiety becomes a problem when the brain misinterprets everyday situations as threats. This can lead to overwhelming fear, avoidance, or even aggression in children, as their bodies respond to the perceived danger.

The key takeaway? When parents understand that anxiety is part of a normal, protective response, they can help their children navigate it with less fear and more confidence.

Anxiety in disguise

Anxiety doesn’t always look the way we expect. 

Often, it shows up in ways that are easy to misinterpret. 

Instead of being quiet and withdrawn, children with anxiety might act out—throwing tantrums, getting angry, or becoming defiant. These outbursts can mask the deeper emotional turmoil that lies beneath. 

In other cases, anxiety might appear as perfectionism, where a child strives to control their world by trying to do everything perfectly to avoid making mistakes.

Anxiety can look like many things—anger, sadness, clinginess, or even hyperactivity. 

“Anxiety is really about physiology,” says Karen, explaining how the physical symptoms of anxiety can lead to behavioral responses that don’t immediately look like fear. 

For instance:

• Anger: A child who becomes aggressive when it’s time to go to school might actually be anxious about separating from their parents.
• Perfectionism: A student who obsesses over every detail of their homework might be anxious about making mistakes or disappointing others.
• Clinginess: A toddler who refuses to let go of their parent’s leg at a playground might be anxious about social interactions.
• Hyperactivity: A child who can’t sit still in class might be experiencing anxiety about their academic performance.

Recognizing the signs of anxiety, no matter how they present themselves, helps us respond in a way that soothes our children rather than escalating their fears.

Moving with anxiety: a personal story 

This concept of moving with anxiety, rather than against it, resonated deeply with me.

It brought to mind my own son’s experience with his drama club. 

The day of his first big performance, he was a bundle of nerves. 

Afterwards, he told me he contemplated faking illness to avoid going on stage.

But—with support and with countless experiences of doing hard things before and being okay—he pushed through. 

The pride and excitement that radiated from him afterwards were palpable. He wanted to perform the play 10 times! 

I swear he walked a foot taller. 

The catalyst for the magic: he had moved with his anxiety, not against it. And he came out stronger on the other side.

Helping Kids Face Their “Scary, Safe Fears” and Cultivate Courage

One of the most powerful tools Karen introduced is the concept of “scary, safe” fears. 

These are situations that feel overwhelming to our children but are actually safe. 

By helping our kids face these fears in small, manageable steps, we’re teaching their brains a crucial lesson: “I can handle this.”

This is one of the reasons why attuning to our kids is so important. The more we attune to our kids and see them for WHO they are, the more we’re able to find their edge with them. This isn’t about throwing our kids in the deep end. It’s about stepping to the edge of their comfort zones and, with support and confidence, moving out beyond it.

Karen emphasizes the power of small steps: “Change doesn’t have to be big. Sometimes it’s about taking small, brave steps. That’s where the growth happens. Every little step matters, and over time, those steps add up to massive strength.”

Whether it’s hiking further than they think they can, stepping on stage at the school play, rafting through river rapids, or simply saying to another child at the playground, “Hi, my name’s Sam, I’m 5, do you want to play with me?”, each small success builds confidence and resilience.

This approach requires patience and a shift in our own mindset as parents. It’s tempting to swoop in and rescue our children from discomfort. But if we don’t encourage them to step beyond the familiar, we risk keeping them and their lives small.

 “Change doesn’t have to be big. Sometimes it’s about taking small, brave steps. That’s where the growth happens. Every little step matters, and over time, those steps add up to massive strength.”

Karen Young

This is the challenge of walking the middle path of parenthood—we’re not wrapping our kids in cotton wool, nor throwing them in the deep end. It’s about standing beside them as they dip their toes in the water, gradually building their confidence.

The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety but to help children manage it.

By teaching them to face their fears in small, manageable steps, we show them that anxiety can be navigated, not avoided. This gradual exposure to anxiety-provoking situations helps children learn that they are stronger than their fears.

How to be the calm in their storm

So how do we, as parents, guide our children through these stormy emotional waters? 

Karen emphasizes our role as being “the calm in the middle of our child’s storm.” We need to show them that no matter how big their feelings get, they can handle it. And so can we.

This doesn’t mean we need to be perfect—far from it. There will be times when we lose our cool or give in to the urge to overprotect. And that’s okay. What matters is that we keep trying, keep showing up, and keep believing in our children’s capacity to grow and overcome.

It’s about being present, validating their feelings, and gently nudging them towards bravery. 

Of course, this is easier said than done. 

When our children are anxious, it triggers something primal in us too. 

We might find ourselves getting swept up or enmeshed in their emotions or becoming frustrated and impatient. (Hint: this is most likely your inner child reacting to past events, rather than you, as a grownup, consciously responding to the situation in front of you. Remind yourself first: I am safe).

So, our job is to calm ourselves first. We need to “be the steady hand that guides them through the storm. We have to be the grown-ups in the room.”

Children take their emotional cues from us. If we respond to their anxiety with frustration or panic, it can amplify their fears. Instead, we need to remain steady, offering comfort and understanding.

Acknowledge their feelings without judgment. Simple phrases like, “I can see this feels really hard for you right now,” help children feel heard. 

Then, remind them of their own strength by saying, “You’ve done tough things before, and I know you can handle this too.” 

This approach reinforces the idea that while anxiety may feel overwhelming, it doesn’t have to control them.

Practical tools for parents to help anxiety

Managing anxiety is a lifelong skill, and parents play a vital role in helping children develop this ability. Here are a few practical tips to support your child when anxiety strikes:

1. Validate their feelings

Acknowledge the anxiety without dismissing it. Saying, “I know this feels really scary for you” helps your child feel understood.

2. Encourage small steps

Break down challenges into smaller, manageable tasks. If your child is anxious about going to school, focus on getting through the morning routine first.

3. Be a calm presence

Stay grounded and composed when your child is anxious. Your calm response provides a model for emotional regulation.

4. Teach them about their brain

Help them understand that anxiety comes from a strong, protective brain. This knowledge can reduce feelings of helplessness.

5. Stay consistent

Anxiety doesn’t disappear overnight. With consistent support, you help your child build resilience and confidence over time.

Embrace anxiety as an opportunity 

As we’ve explored, anxiety isn’t something to be feared or eliminated, but rather a normal part of the human experience that can be managed and even harnessed for growth. 

By understanding the root of anxiety, recognizing its various manifestations, and employing strategies like taking small steps and being a calm presence, we can help our children navigate their anxious feelings with confidence.

Remember Karen’s powerful words: “The only way to ensure kids never experience anxiety is to never let them face anything hard, new, or important. But that’s not growth. It’s by moving through those difficult moments that they build resilience and strength.”

The next time anxiety shows up in your home—whether it’s your child’s or your own—remember that it’s not the enemy. It’s an opportunity for growth, for connection, and for building the kind of resilience that will serve your child for a lifetime..

Learn more about supporting your child’s emotional health

Parenting a child with anxiety can feel isolating and challenging, but remember—you are your child’s greatest source of comfort and strength. 

Want to dive deeper into this topic and hear more of Karen’s invaluable insights? I invite you to join us at the Raised Good Online Summit, happening live from September 12-16.

Grab your free ticket now and come listen to the full talk with Karen. You’ll also hear from a host of other amazing speakers, including Dr. Dan Siegel, Peter Gray, Ph.D, Maggie Dent, Lael Stone, Dr. Larry Cohen and more, who will inspire and empower you on your parenting journey.