There’s a life in the future with little faces in photo frames instead of before our eyes, and artwork and abc magnets won’t adorn our fridge.
There’s a bed big enough, where little elbows & knees won’t prod us in our sleep and only our feet will swing out in the morning.
There’s a vase placed in reach of little arms because there aren’t any, & mugs will daringly sit on the edge of the table.
There’s a bank balance that looks a bit more forgiving & a bag I leave with that isn’t overflowing.
There’s a free calendar that isn’t packed with swimming lessons, dance classes and muddy sports shoes. And we’ll get to know each other for a third time, before them, with them, & then when only two jackets hang at the door.
There’s a clean car, the only noise is the hum of the radio. There will be no endless questions in a high pitched voice from the back seat, there may even be days we don’t hear from them at all.
There’s a date night with no curfew, my mums not needed for babysitting, & we aren’t sleeping with one eye open waiting for the shuffle of feet down the hallway. A type of freedom that feels heavy.
There’s a house that’s clean, maybe our couch is new, we aren’t stepping on Lego or toy cars either. In fact there’s not much colour anywhere. Remember how it came with so much happiness?
There’s a dinner table that feels big, we aren’t negotiating bites of vegetables or wiping little hands & mouths. But sometimes there’s a knock on the door & the table is full once more.
There’s a shower that doesn’t sound like baby cries, a coffee that is warm and my body will be my own. We won’t wear tired the same way but time will have aged us anyway.
There will be hard moments to come that will make these moments look easy, but we’ll remember.
We’ll remember the first words, the curls, the “I love you’s” the moments we almost broke, & how we held each other through it all.
There’s a life in the future and it’s coming for us. So let’s get swept up in the beautiful chaos in front of us.
Let’s make the future wait a little longer. Because I love this life with you so much, this one right now.
Jessica Urlichs is a writer and poet who lives in New Zealand with her husband and two children. She is the author of three poetry books on early motherhood. This poem is from her book, From One Mom to a Mother. She is also the author of a children’s picture book on emotions called ‘The Rainbow in my Heart’. Jess’s love for writing continues through the lovely community on Instagram and Facebook of other like-minded mothers who are here for the messy and beautiful truth of motherhood. Visit Jess’s website here.